* The beginning
 * Style and fashion
 * Cosmetics
 * Intim
 * Family
 * Health
 * My house
 * Cookery
 * Councils
 * Music
 * Celebrities
 * Creativity
 * The adviser
 * Horoscopes
 * The dream book
 * The cosmetic        

 

COUNCILS AND RECOMMENDATIONS TO WOMEN ON SEARCH OF THE HUSBAND ON SITES OF ACQUAINTANCES

Continuation in                                         article beginning

 

Personal meeting
Let's pass to following section «councils and recommendations» - how to behave at personal meeting. What to do and, that it is even more important, that not to do.

Let's begin, as usually, from the purpose. Your problem – to understand, whether it is necessary to continue (more precisely, to develop) relations with the given man. Therefore first of all it is necessary to spend corresponding "tests" on the basis of which results it is already possible to make corresponding decisions and to carry out corresponding actions.

Thus very important constantly to remember the following. The love at first sight does not happen. As well as from the first meeting. For love (if it, of course, the love) is required defined «the incubatory period». Because it is impossible to grow fond of the person whom you do not know and you do not understand. And on achievement «knowledge and understanding», naturally, time is required. And the more difficult the person (and men interesting you people, as a rule, uneasy), the is more than time it occupies.

At first sight, meetings, conversation there can be only a passion (egoistical, destructive and in general demonic feeling) or love (the little it is better). Remember that the love condition is absolutely equivalent to a condition of a sharp clinical psychosis (it, alas, the medical fact). So behave in hands – differently such fire wood can break …

Further. How it would be desirable – to you or the man or to both together – do not hurry up «to jump in bed». It will always be was in time. Business simple. Remember that happy family relations are under construction only "from top to down" - from spiritual, emotional and intellectual affinity to physical. And never on the contrary.

Why? Because «takes place to be» one more base law of psychology – «repeating impressions become dull». At level of physical affinity, it, alas, the medical fact. And quickly enough (in comparison with time, which is objectively necessary on learning, understanding and growing fond each other). And considering a choice which is, including, and on this site … in general, relations will inevitably stop, so plainly and not having begun.

In general, resolve – at first love, then sex. And piously adhere to this extremely useful principle. As corresponding precept Господню nobody cancelled also it too it is necessary … if not always to execute then to take into consideration.

 

Construction of harmonious and happy relations
So, let us assume, your elect has passed all your tests and have chosen from «the short list» from three-five "applicants". Time Now has come to build warm, comfortable, happy relations which should in not so the long-term future to lead to official registration of marriage (better, of course, to wedding in church, but it in me speaks the Catholic of a Latin ceremony). That, in turn, demands, that you became for it really unique and irreplaceable. Only in this case you can be assured of firmness of the family happiness.

One of secrets of happy home life (and indispensability) - it is constant, unconditional and under own initiative to create for the partner the maximum cumulative value - functional (to reveal and solve partner problems - from small to the major, and simply to do something "practically useful"); emotional (it is clear) and spiritual (to promote its or its spiritual growth and development). It is obvious, that it concerns both men, and to women, and to children in a family.

Therefore that relations with the man were happy, they should satisfy its requirements (emotional, intellectual, spiritual etc.). Thus I will notice, what exactly objective requirements, instead of subjective desires (unfortunately, it is far not always same). Perhaps, one of the major reasons of human misfortunes (both man's, and female) consists that people aspire to meet the desires, instead of requirement.

Therefore the first step to construction of happy relations with the man consists in understanding requirements – the and it is and to learn to distinguish them from «simply desires». Differently, you need to understand, that, actually, it is necessary for the man from the woman.

And here practically each woman with whom I had to communicate … well simply any «репозитарий errors» (being expressed высоконаучным language). Differently, that belief – that error. I will try to dispel them – in process of the modest forces and possibilities.

So, what representations of the typical woman about objective requirements of the man? Frankly speaking, far from a reality. Usually the woman considers, that to the man are necessary from it first of all (1) cooking; (2) washing, an ironing, cleaning … and another «work on the house»; (3) education of children and (4)... That I usually name «balancing act in bed».

Differently, the woman considers, that it will provide to herself family happiness if will be for the man (1) cook, (2) servant, (3) governess for its children and (4) …. Well, in general, clearly. Alas and ah is at all so.

First, many men perfectly are able to prepare. And some also love. And in corresponding places of the Russian Federation to казану and to a brazier of women and at all do not admit. And the best cooks always and everywhere were, is and there are men. And considering that any man respecting on kitchen has a kombi-oven «three in one» (microwave-konvektsija-grill), a toaster, a double boiler and still pair-three useful kitchen devices, it and will perfectly prepare for itself(himself). And not the fact that is worse than the woman. Most likely, even it is better – for is much more practical. And have sat down to it laziness or there is no time – that will employ the professional cook you at all to you respect, hardly can compete. What here "indispensability" …

The same with «house affairs». Very many men in it are rather accurate and effective (especially if long lived "in itself"). Besides, the successful and taken place man is quite capable to employ the servant to whom you too hardly can compete (it just that case when the professional all the same is better than the fan).

With the governess it is, of course, more difficult, but … the clever, successful, taken place man quite can understand education of children where better you. And to realise its ideas and the purpose quite the governess can also.

As to «bed affairs» … in general, about it I already spoke in my previous record. The severe true consists that in this area … in general, one woman a little than differs from another. Men, probably, too, but now speech not about them. Therefore and in this area «to be allocated from a lump» at you, alas, it will not turn out.

So all the same it is necessary for the man? At all that usually is represented to the woman. First, the woman who can create and keep a cosiness and comfort in relations is necessary to it. Attention! Not in the house, and in relations (for at women it turns out usually where better, than at men). And what for this purpose it is necessary? Correctly - ability to avoid conflicts. And if the conflict, God forbid, has arisen, ability quickly (in an ideal, instantly) it to extinguish.

That, in turn, demands from the woman of following skills: (1) ability to listen; (2) ability to hear; (3) ability to inform on the requirements, interests etc. in a soft, valid, benevolent manner; (4) ability to forgive; (5) ability to agree (in particular, ability to solve a problem so that all "interested persons" have been as much as possible satisfied).

There we go. That else is necessary for the man from the woman? To answer this question, it is necessary to understand first of all, that the modern world, to put it mildly, strongly differs from those times, when the man had to run for a mammoth to support a family.

Differently, in the social plan the woman (except for the separate periods in her life, children connected with a birth), in the modern world does not differ from the man anything. Anything. Therefore the man has absolutely the right to expect and want from the woman equal in rights and (attention!) равноответственных partner relations.

Therefore it is necessary to remember, that your elect was whatever "prince", it owing to absolutely objective reasons «will sometimes fall from a horse». Whether next "dragon" has appeared especially harmful, whether the horse has limped, having got to any "hole" (happens), whether still that. It happens infrequently (on that it and "prince"), but happens. And then for it it is perfect (even vitally) it is necessary the help of the woman to rise back in a saddle. Therefore it is natural, that the woman should be enough clever, strong, competent and effective that at it it has turned out.

That, in turn, demands, that the woman was able to behave adequately in a critical situation. Not only not to stir and "not aggravate" (though, alas, it is impossible to the overwhelming majority of women also it), and as much as possible effectively to support the husband (in case of need, even to incur responsibility for the decision of those or other problems – and to be able quickly and effectively them to solve).

In general, for many strong men the higher praise to the woman sounds approximately so: "She feels equally confidently both on a dance pavilion, and in a kindergarten, and on a shooting range" (it has been told about one of women - agents of FBI).

Experience shows, that at the decision of challenges it is useful «to hold in a head» certain images (metaphors or analogies). The most simple (and, at the same time, effective) is «a pendulum principle». Differently «today I am stronger, tomorrow - you». And on the contrary.

Other (a little more difficult) metaphor/analogy is so-called «model of the bicycle racer». Very few people is interested in highway bicycle races, but those who all the same is familiar with them, knows, that victory pledge at a stage – to manage to come off the basic group («пелетона»). To one bicycle racer it not under force (to be too tiresome all time ahead of all), and here even to a two – is much easier.

Because they are constantly interchanged the position, that gives possibility to one of them periodically to "have a rest" behind the back of another on which all power of resistance of air falls. And in a happy family leaders should alternate – today the loading most part falls on the man, tomorrow – on the woman. It is clear, that on the man this loading will longer fall and more often, but also he needs to give the chance to have a rest periodically – differently in the modern severe world it "will simply break". Or will run away to that who will give the chance to it to have a rest. And to blame him, in general, there is nothing – against a self-preservation instinct, as they say, you "will not trample".

The best example of mutual assistance at cinema – a serial «Confidential materials». «The sweet couple» - Fox Moulder also Is given Скалли. Look at a leisure. A serial, of course, so-so, and actors they, frankly speaking, rather mediocre. But here mutual assistance and partnership between the man and the woman are shown very well. An excellent example for imitation.

From what one more good advice immediately follows. Wish to become irreplaceable – become a part not only private life, but also a life professional. Its interests, its hobby … Become inseparable from it. At the same time constantly will be well informed about all its affairs that is very useful. The most awful when between the man and the woman there is a wall which divides two lives – it and it. At it – the life; at it – the. In summary – crash once such happy relations …

And two more small councils. Do not try to alter at all the elect (for some reason practically all Russian women aspire to achieve it with persistence, worthy the best application). Anything good, except scandals (and, eventually, rupture of relations) from this does not leave. Accurately, tactfully to achieve little changes probably. But no more. All to you should, as they say, «be accepted the rest as is».

Yes, and never in what him do not reproach (as though it of it deserved). Wish to be happy – forget about reproaches. Learn another, more benevolent, to ways to draw its attention – and «to inform on the displeasure». Reproaches (whatever proved they were) lead only to one – to озверению men (and to very fast). And it at all that is necessary for you.

 

Construction of a happy family
Fortunately, "portrait" of a happy family to draw simply enough.

It is a family where all understand, that the love is an action. And, that is not present either "man's" mentality, or "female", and is "sensible and not-sensible"; that there is no "man's" and "female" logic, and there is a logic and its absence (and the last men can suffer both women, and); where the woman perfectly understands, that in the social plan it does not differ from the man ANYTHING (that is, it anything and in what it is not better and is not worse than the man) and, hence, has both the equal rights, and equal duties (and is absolute in all)...

That is not present either "man's", nor "female" duties, and there are simply duties, which carry out or together (that on whom these duties "have dropped out" at present is more preferable), or; where both the woman, and the man work and earn it is so much, how many can; where the man helps the woman with her career, business, a hobby, and the woman – according to the man; where both the woman, and the man are at any moment ready to listen and understand the partner, «to substitute a shoulder», to incur responsibility and to help the partner to solve any problem; where the man and the woman do all family affairs together – both bring up children, and prepare, and are engaged in housekeeping (it is called with-trudnichestvom and with-creativity); where the most important is a spiritual, emotional and intellectual affinity (and only then - physical); Where everyone loves another certainly and everyone creates for another good «simply so» (therefore it «the mutual unconditional good» constantly is in a harmony condition).

And, naturally, marriage should be officially registered (it is desirable, of course, with wedding in church), as so-called "civil marriage" is not that other, as the insult each other (let alone the God) and frank mockery at logic and common sense …

 

Here such family also should be built.

Here actually, and all. I will be very glad, if these, in general, simple and obvious recommendations will help you to find "significant other" and to find happiness in home life. Good luck you and yes will be helped you by the God!

Be happy!

 

Oleg Cheremnykh

 

13.03.08