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IF LONG THERE IS NO SEX

I never would believe, that this woman who now sits before me, suffers from one-way love. It is beautiful, some years married for the fine person and always light radiates only. And here now she drinks tea on my kitchen and almost cries, because the husband any more does not want it. Half a year does not want already. And I have reflected - whether really it is an unusual situation? Alas, no. Similar for a long time already became norm for many families.

Scientific data
Principal causes of absence of sexual relations in a family people in white dressing gowns name stresses and constant weariness after the long working day. The research which results have unpleasantly surprised representatives of Ministry of Health has been carried out Japan: almost third of Japanese spouses do not live a sexual life. The tendency has received such scope, that the government suspects, what exactly it has led to sharp falling of level of birth rate in the country. Researchers underline, that absence of sex is observed not only among the pairs which relations have deteriorated also which движутся towards divorce, but also among loving each other spouses in strong families.

"I would not tell, that my marriage unhappy, however with absence of this pleasant part of a matrimony throughout 2 years it is difficult to be reconciled", - the 30-year-old employee of one of the Tokyo offices speaks.

 

The term sexless ("without sex"), come of English language, began to be used for the first time in Japan in the early nineties. But today Japanese use it in increasing frequency and widely discuss in mass-media. On this theme books are written, it discuss on sites on the Internet, including heart-breaking personal diaries - letters of readers on this theme are full of despair.

Sex = love?
Happens so, that in a family there is no regular sex some years, and the family continues to exist and nothing conducts to dissonance. Means, for this family sex in itself not so is important. Happens, that the pair easy does without sex during usual time, but, getting out to have a rest two times a year, arranges to itself a sex marathon. Sex in marriage happens successful when it not only and is not so much sex and when it is twisted in the general fabric of interaction. People like to be together - and still they can and caress each other.

If two people harmoniously exist without sex, means, it other signs on love are important: sincere heat, trust, respect, caress. They like to kiss at a meeting, to sit nearby at the TV, together to have supper. This thought can seem to many readers seditious, but, strangely enough, there are very many marriages, in which mutual relations such. Marriage can exist quite successfully without sex, and it meets much more often, than it would be possible to think.

Much worse if absence of sex becomes a problem if because of it mutual relations spoil: when partners consider, that sexual relations is a sign on love. There is no sex - there is no love; you do not want me - means, you do not love me.

As it happens
When the person неудовлетворен, it starts to search for ways of an exit from a situation, more often subconsciously. It is possible to Someone better, with the least losses, someone thus pulls down a family, but there is nothing worse, than inactivity.

The person starts to search for something, that on force of feelings is capable to replace to it sex. Searches and finds. At times scandals become a good substitute of sex. People simultaneously test strong feelings, they are absorbed the friend by the friend, they are concentrated the friend to the friend. They even sometimes touch each other - if fight. And if scandal comes to an end with reconciliation the scheme is as much as possible similar to sexual intercourse: at first excitation, then a discharge. The another matter, that emotions at scandal negative and it is bad for the person as a whole, but for experience of affinity it is unimportant: enough that they were strong and simultaneous. Sex often happens after scandal as a certain continuation of excitation - but it not that sexual inclination which pulls together. It requires scandal, as in a dope. Sex in itself to spouses in such marriage is uninteresting.

Other variant of mutual relations: mutual attachment, tender feelings, but sex on the party. Campaigns "on the left" - very widespread variant of family mutual relations in such situation. It is a certain contract: we have general children and the general life, we help each other with difficult situations, we care about each other, but any sexual relations will be carried out with other people. Such marriages can be very strong and long last - if it is the fair both sincere contract and both spouses internally приемлют this situation. But in practice it happens infrequently as very sexist and the Russian man considers our society, that for it it is correct, and for the woman - is not present. For it to have the woman on the party more comfortably, and the wife, in its opinion, should live in general without sex, work, was engaged in the house and children.

As with it to live
Women always hard transfer absence of sex at live and quite warm partner. The first some days, of course, on a wall climb all and try to solve a problem quickly, forgetting about all the rest. But the stage of the first is followed invariably by a stage №2 - accustoming. Then also you accustom the body and to thought, that will be nothing neither tonight, nor tomorrow morning. But also it - only half-affairs.

Absence of sex liberates a large quantity of time and forces. During such moment the vigorous activity, both physical, and intellectual is necessary. Therefore, excuse, возлежание in front of the TV will not approach. Be engaged in of what for a long time dreamt: go on courses on floristics or on embroidery, be engaged in a figure, in other words, be engaged in itself!

And it is a little about sublimation
Everyone goes mad in own way. Is potential трудоголички which will transfer all not dissipated sexual fuse for work and actively developing career. "Business-vumen 24 hours a day" - here their image. But, alas, the statistics to such women is relentless. Women who have for a long time a constant sexual life, do career much more successfully. Moreover also differ softness and loyalty in business dealing, that business partners appreciate much more unmotivated aggression.

The second type. Women spend the caresses for children (here the important note: not important, whose). If on a way of this cruiser of children there is no, that, do not doubt, it will find them - will move in charity. Some become the big fans of diets, and all at once, some start to poison a life to all associates, overhearing and spying.

But, basically, these women remind more... A can. Their desires, possibility, present and potential, their passion and fire in eyes - all it is accurately gone and stored in a tin before the validity expiry of the term, and easier speaking, till "the o'clock".

By the way, in a joke that "at me there already all has grown together", only a joke share. Long abstention at women at times leads to irreversible consequences: the first contact can become painful and painful.

Do not distract, loving
And still, in care of favourite, do not forget about you. Unfortunately, not you the first, and not to you to be the last.
To begin with simply try to talk to it. If the favourite becomes reserved, translates all for fun or simply becomes silent stop short and leaves to "walk", the approach not that.

To the psychologist and, especially, to the sexologist it, with probability in 99,99 % to go will refuse. Try to use cunning: if it is assured, that he will not strangle you as that unfortunate on "Д", tell, that you go to the doctor, and you need its presence there as encouragement. As a last resort, consult with experts herself. Certainly, it will not give them a full picture of your relations, but any you гарантированно will receive. And to do it it is necessary, not shelving.

 

If it will be found out, that it from area of ordinarier - infringements of sexual function at you or at it - that these should be engaged long and laboriously. But unless the world and happiness in a family is not necessary such efforts?

 

Серафима Велькович

 

7.09.06