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The author: Anna Zhdanova

 

THE MEDITERRANEAN MOTIVES

 

Light fell on a wall, drawing in detail a freakish rectangle. Таня thought, that before it will turn to a thin strip to it it is necessary to have time to come up from under a warm blanket and, being confused in a long nightgown to hop to a bathroom and to feel as all sections of the skin a cold, invigorating stream of water. Having done all these acrobatic movements and, having thanked Supreme for a saving shower, it already was on kitchen and a saw favourite green tea. Radio gave out weather forecast. Morning intended to be warm and cloudless. "That is not too bad to begin with", - she has thought.
However, it was the sixth morning of this month which were not differing from previous five. September has stood out extremely warm. From it it was good not only outside, but also inside, in its heart. Таня it has been enamoured, is not present it is not simply enamoured, its love and soared in air, chasing for the passers-by missing from vital routine. The love shouted: "Here it I. Accept me. I wish to be with you". Sometimes, of course, Таню overcame doubts concerning reciprocity of feelings, but it away drove these thoughts, was more likely closed from them and did not allow to them to get into depths of its consciousness. It simply would not take out it is so the first was great it not, but nevertheless love.
All has begun it recently. Ivan was its friend former favourite. That favourite which she has stopped loving when has seen Ваню. Ivan was similar to it. The Same thoughts, the same ideals and the purposes in a life. But, eternally oppressing "but" was present and at this history. He frankly did not love it, yes, it undoubtedly liked it, but more deep feelings Ванечка to it did not test. Certainly, he tried, but force of its character of its scarecrow. It could not give it a predominating position in relations, and it was necessary for it - well it at the mercy could not put hotly favourite freedom.

 

 

There was one more reason of its indecision, and in a coldness consequence: it had a girl whom he madly loved. It approached it (as many considered), therefore as never argued with it and did not reproach him. It was pleasant to it, aspirations in his life with finding of its love as it seemed to it, came nearer to finish.
Таня tried not to go in cycles in these thoughts and continued to love the hero. In such here raised condition it has rushed on 6th of September into the study.
Not so spacious, but cosy enough, it always reminded it of the childhood when it often ran in the same office where her mother and where each time with pleasure considered multi-coloured folders in cases and black-and-white photos of sea coast on walls worked.
The sea landscape always involved Tannin a look where it was. These storming waves and a horizon strip for a long time влюбили it in itself. She could sit and look hours at such reproductions. But, strangely enough, on the sea it never was. Certainly, it was some omission, but after all still all life ahead. And Таня firmly believed, that its dream will sometime be carried out also it it will appear on seacoast, and long-long will sit there while in her soul will not come a pacification which she has not managed yet to find. She told to nobody about this dream, and stored in the wonderful, fantastic internal world. And what for it should share over what would laugh and have forgotten.
- Tatyana Viktorovna, come, please to Olga Vladimirovne, - the voice of secretary Marinochki has forced Таню to regain consciousness and come off these thoughts.
"Perhaps at last it has considered also my request", - thought Таня, going to an office strict, but the fair head mistress. Таня for a long time wanted, that it have sent on training in foreign publishing house. It was not simply excellent translator, but also the best in their publishing house, and Olga Vladimirovna knew it. Probably, therefore, she has decided, that to Spain will go Таня.
Spain was its second dream smoothly following from first. The country фламенко and hot machoes a huge magnet drew still absolutely young translator Tatyana Viktorovnu on coast of Mediterranean sea.
- Tatyana Viktorovna, I think you agree to go on training to the Spanish publishing house, - there has begun Olga Vladimirovna. - I for you observe for a long time and I can tell, that you the excellent translator. - I do not doubt for you it will be good and... Unforgettable practice. - it is quite probable, that in foreign publishing house you will do the utmost for your further career growth. - In my opinion not badly sounds, and, Tatyana Viktorovna? - Olga Vladimirovna with any strange notes in a voice has finished.
- I, of course, accept your offer, - have told Таня, trying to be extremely constrained and not to show the emotions overflowing its heart. - Я. I even very much... - Only at me one question, Olga Vladimirovna.
- Yes, of course, - little bit puzzled head mistress has answered.
- You perfectly know, that in our publishing house there are more skilled translators. - why your choice has fallen on me, the ordinary beginning worker?
- Here you also have answered the question - will go to be typed experience. - you definitely have a talent, I have noticed it, as soon as have read your first transfer. - to you the unique chance has dropped out, take advantage of it. - I in you trust.
Olga Vladimirovna has said last words absolutely in a kind way as if it wished good luck of the daughter. For the woman lost any feelings to all world it was a little strange, but in Tana she has seen really the person, to prevent which development the head mistress simply not could, and did not want.

 

 

- Ванечка, you represent, I go to Spain! - shouted in telephone tube Таня, it is simply improbable, after all the truth, Вань? - She still could not calm down.
- Yet really? - I so am glad for you, дружище, - indeed a joyful voice Ivan spoke. - listen, Танюх, we meet exactly at 13:00 at our small restaurant, and you to me will in detail tell all, goes?
- All right, but only be not late - at me still affairs much in publishing house, - has uttered rapidly Таня and has hanged up.
Ванька always was late, but Танечка always forgave it this habit though if on its place there was somebody another, she necessarily would erase that unfortunate in a powder for so wild not punctuality.
But more Таню has afflicted also that Ванька very much was delighted to its departure. "Really I to it am so indifferent?" - thought Таня, sitting for a little table at their favourite small restaurant. It picked a plug a baked pudding in a Greek way, drank the black coffee and could not reconcile to that in any way, that can for ever will lose the favourite. Таня did not think also of day without it, let even as the friend. And here it entirely gives its sight, a smile and even taste of a kiss which she has managed once to break from his lips - all it, that she with such trembling protected, cherished in the heart to it it is necessary to present that to which it Ванечка has decided to devote all life.
"No, I will not admit it, - the unique thought has found now the haven in Таниной to a head. - it all the same will come to me, after all I love it, and this main thing".
- Greetings, the kid, - has told Ivan, sitting down opposite to chewing Тани. - You of that such sad? - Or you already do not go anywhere?
- As! - That I have missed possibility of realisation of the dream? - Таня tried to hide excitement in a voice.
- Here and I say, what you necessarily there will go, and I then to you will wave through pair years, оу кей, May дарлинг?
Таня has laughed. She always laughed when desperate German Vanja tried to speak English.
- Well, and you of that have become gloomy? - As always has sworn with Yana? - She has decided to find out as are at it business on personal front.
- Yes, is маленько, - person Vanki has in a moment grown dull, as if the invisible artist has spent on it all grey paint from the palette. - well, Тань, we do not talk two weeks. - I have already become bored without it, and she does not call - probably, I am not necessary to it...
- Throw, she loves you. - Вань, well want I with it I will talk. - you remember last time it has convincingly enough turned out, - she tried not to show a pain note in its voice.
- Yes, all right, Танюш, you now not to my problems. - when you go that? - Has tried to change the subject Ванька.
- Probably, in two weeks, and can...
Таню the melody лезгинки with Ванькиного a mobile phone has interrupted.
- About, again these, be they are wrong, suppliers, - a guilty sight Ivan has looked not it. - Танюш, do not worry about me, поезжай to the Spain, all will be оу кей.
- Вань, I wished to tell, that I...
- Тань, write to me therefrom, I will wait, - already in doors Ivan, almost same kind and tender voice to what he always spoke with it when they were still school friends has told.
"... I love you", - has finished speaking Таня when the small restaurant door has slammed with an easy scratch. To it was so painfully, that crystal teardrops have swept at it from eyes.
"Well and a cudgel you, Таня! - one half of its heart has suddenly started talking. - really you do not see, that to it absolutely to spit on you!?"

 

 

"I do not see, I do not see, I do not see", - another shouted, as if trying to make the way through a veil of black thoughts.
- To you it is bad, the girl? - The voice of the waiter has returned it in the real world.
- No, everything is all right, - tried to pull smile Таня.
It has risen, has a little reeled and with a guilty kind was lop-sided on the wondering waiter. It it is visible has understood, that in its help do not require and has left any more imperceptibly, however the same as has appeared. Таня left outside and has inhaled fresh air. Whence smelt as rolls. She has recollected at once that area where she lived with parents. Because of affinity of bakery, there too always smelt as rolls. From this thought to it it became little bit easier, it has wiped a scarf wet eyes and has begun to bustle for work - already as five minutes the lunch break has ended, and Olga Vladimirovna could reconsider quite a nominee going on training in the country of its dream.

 

In the evening mum has called and as always worried about any nonsense: whether put on its favourite Танюша a scarf, than it ate today and what news have appeared on the robot. But as it always answered these questions sharp "As always" today really it was necessary to devote to these themes of kind one and a half hour. Mum simply jumped with happiness on that end of a wire when Таня has uttered a word "Spain".
- I always knew, that you will achieve something in a life, - mum spoke with pride in a voice.
- Mums, I have not received the Nobel Prize, and only meal on training, and thus still nothing says, that I necessarily will remain in foreign publishing house, - Таня tried to calm mum.
- No, it definitely sign on destiny, - mum, with persistence inherent in fortunetellers objected. - can though in Spain you will meet the one who will help to forget yours Ванечку.
- Mums, give we will not be about it, at me and so already the head has got tired about it to think, - wearily mumbled Таня.
- All right, expensive, - mum has understood, that these conversations it hurts the being most expensive to it.
- How at you that has put? - Таня tried to replace a sick theme.
- All is good, do not worry, native. - well, I probably, tear off you from affairs, - mum has thought, that it will be better to talk to it tomorrow.
- Yes, that you, mums, you me do not tear off anything, - Таня did not wish it to offend.
- Танюш, I all the same should to the father prepare a supper. - oh, its car, all right, I have run, - mum already was going to hang up.
- Mums, I love you, - have told Таня softly and sincerely, just as in the childhood.
- And I love you, native mine. - I will call you tomorrow, sleep easy, the daughter.
Таня has hanged up and has gone has laid down on a sofa. Tears-businki have swept from her eyes. She has recollected those days when sat at mother in a lap and as that calmed her for the insults caused by any malicious boy. Mum always so tenderly ironed it on a head and swung in a lap. Such minutes it was rather happy. Anything in the world did not threaten it. Mum the caring hands closed all Танино a small being from external threats. And so it was good to it in these embraces, that Таня could not release mum in any way even being in a dream. Mum had to remove from shoulders so handles of the small daughter strong holding them... Phone Has rung out. "Probably, again mum", - has thought Таня and was immediately pulled to a telephone tube. But mum called not, simply someone was mistaken number.

 

 

Таня any more did not wish to roll without business and has decided to be engaged in something useful. To translate it precisely was unable - too much dissipated energy for a today. "Can disassemble centenary stuff?" - she has looked at the books scattered on all apartment, magazines and other subjects. "Is not present, only not today!" - asked all its internal and so a tired nature. It was necessary to go on kitchen, to make to itself tea. The lighted fragrant stick and the pleasant warming feeling presented by drunk tea сморили of it it is definitive. It hardly доплелась to a bedroom and, having pulled together a sweater with meanly narrow collar, has fallen heavily on not disassembled bed.

 

"My God, who has thought up these devil's alarm clocks?" - sleepy head Тани has risen with soft, still a pillow storing a dream, and executing буддистский dance the hand tried to grope something so disgustingly ringing on a floor. Last morning an alarm clock? Ха even if the inevitable fate would comprehend this ringing subject, in the near future its colleague all the same would occupy let far and not honourable, but nevertheless a place in apartment Taninoj.
"All right, rise..." - she tried to force to affect the reason still sleeping body. But the body still luxuriated on silk bed-sheets, under a warm blanket and on soft, as if down, a pillow. But it became suddenly improbable familiar number all to appear more distinctly at Тани in memory. An instant later it the scalded cat has jumped out of the cosy place and convulsively began to search on a table in bales of papers and "пизанских towers" magazines for a small calendar card.
"Really the nineteenth... Thank God only the eighteenth... The eighteenth?" - Таня with horror has understood, that before departure remained two days, and more so much rash, not made, held back.
The last two weeks she as though noticed nobody - in her head two words span only: Ванька and Spain. Really she should leave it, so hotly favourite, for ever. For ever to forget colour of his eyes, the smell of its skin let only imagined, but belonging to it and only to it, its dark silky hair, its smile giving to it children's innocence, its voice with low hoarse notes - a word all that stored in the heart belonging only to it...
The call to a door has forced Таню to return with a reluctance from dreamland, to be roused, throw with the first dressing gown and потопать in one тапке to open to any early birdie.
- Танюш, to you two minutes on gathering, - smiled on threshold Ванька.
- What gathering, Вань, you whence have fallen down? - Таня tried to cook up a sour mine - to horror it would not be desirable anywhere.
But an instant later she has realised, that before it for the sake of what it was ready to stop it as it there, a dashing horse, moreover and at full tilt. It was stretched in a happy smile, after all he could understand today eventually, that it and is love of all his life.
- Sweet washing, we will go to park, we were not so a long time together, I mean together. To me so my little sister would be desirable to chat with you. - and give we will arrange picnic, Танюх? - These offers have taken off from it a stutter of a machine gun.
She has not had time to think anything, has simply told: "Give". The sun heated their backs, and the easy breeze did not allow to them to thaw absolutely as it ordinary happens with vanilla ice-cream. She did not laugh so a long time, yes that there to speak, here already, probably, some months. Its presence gave it forces and hope of the joyful future, and is final in this future it appeared, it Ванечка. And it, well and what it? He thought of it, about that, that sat next now. During any moment it seemed to it, that it Танюшка, the girlfriend who never will leave in a trouble, loves it more than that which he idolised. Or it not seemed? Certainly, she loves it, and it? Yes, he loves it, but can slightly not how it would like that. He has suddenly thought, that can sometime grow fond of it as the woman... Can be.

 

 

Day has flown by in a flash. They went home, reeling for weariness, and their persons were shone with happiness. Here and its street door. Further it will not go, and as it would like it. Ванька never will change Янке - he loves it.
- While, my beauty, - has reported Ванька at Таниного an entrance. - you soon leave and leave me for ever.
- The little fool, you, I always will be here, - she has put a palm on its breast - in your heart.
- You will not suffice me, - he has really been upset.
- And you know... - she has decided to tell to it about the feelings. - you come to me, come. - I will wait for you. - but only when you will understand, that I am necessary to you, instead of it. - At-ezzhaj, I... - tears have acted at it on eyes. She could not finish speaking those plain words. He waited for them, but she has not told. "So even it is better", - he has thought and has simply embraced her.
- Well, it is not necessary to cry, it is not necessary to torment itself, I will arrive, - he wished it to calm.
- ... I will write, - only both she has told, and has disappeared behind a door.

 

He slowly went along the street and tried to build in a logic number the stream which has fallen upon its brain of thoughts. Has lighted. Like has a little calmed down. "That I have passed? - Ivan thought. - last chance? - But after all still there is time to drop in on a step of a train leaving for ever? - Though, whether to me to grieve that I never had and about that which never belonged to me".
So he also went on deserted street, thinking, that all will necessarily be arranged, and, can with some benefit for it. One it precisely knew: Таню he never loved and hardly this feeling will lodge in its heart - it is already overflowed by delightful nectar of rare fruit under the name Yana.
"I know, that I am all in her life, but I do not wish to cause more to it a pain, - as if the inspiration has condescended on Ivan. - I will pull out this spicy heat from its breast. - I will rescue it, after all anybody other, and I have overthrown it in a precipice in which she tries to settle down as on soft sand at the sea caressing feet... And let I should kill your soul, the little sister, but I will rescue".

 

 

Таня laid on the old sofa and understood as the chance of is insignificant that Ваня sometime will be a number. It after all never will arrive to Spain, never will share with it impressions about brilliant performance of the toreador, never will tell to it that it inspires its all more strongly and, getting reviver in its consciousness, gives it sensation обретенности and calmnesses... Never.
She, from the very beginning subconsciously understood, that this union - only pity self-deception, illusion. But, nevertheless the chance was. So why to it to trust in it - all the same heart always requires hope, not looking that it at times does not find under herself enough the convincing basis.

CONTINUATION

 

1.10.03