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The author: V.Janov

 

FEMALE DREAMS

 

Speak us, девоньки, 56 % of the population of the country, and muzhiks only 44 %. An unequal parity. I have read the statistics, have become thoughtful and have not believed to it at all. Has recollected mathematics of high school and has calculated - on one muzhik, 1,27 women are necessary.
   I do not trust! Yes where they these мужички? Not to see them absolutely! посудите, what not the maiden so разведенка with the child or the widow young, and even it is simple with the muzhik the maid does not live! Where they muzhiks have got to? Can at beer, in turn stand?
   I have armed with directories, accounts and calculators and have decided to deduce on a this world a true state of affairs. It is necessary to struggle somehow for our female happiness! Has reflected, and the following picture was presented to me. As if I the general also have constructed all muzhiks in one system soldier's, have ordered, as it is necessary: "to S-S Th! An alignment on средину!" That is on me means, and has started to order parade duly a genre. To me there and then штабисты have run together толстозадые with портфельчиками, daddies, справочки everyones in hands put, and behind big beautiful дядька with radio station has risen - communication with our agents on a front line to support the beginnings, my orders to transfer.
   The colonel, in a huge peak-cap, with aiguilettes on a shoulder, approaches to me a ceremonial step and reports in all on a drink:
"A companion the general, staff on your order is constructed! Allow to begin staff checking?"
Everything has begun to move, has begun to wail. Company commanders have failed and have begun muster. Quickly, in a military way muster has passed. The colonel again a ceremonial step runs up to me:
"A companion the general, allow to report on results of checking of staff?"
Silently I take from it the daddy, attentively I study, some minutes, and open for me a full picture about position on zhensko-man's fronts. The rage, suddenly, in me any begins to boil, has not understood itself as on a tribune it has appeared. Grumble in the ranks of the soldier's has abated - have understood, Чапай the word will say, and me at this time the insult took for a sort our female, yes so, that tear has not constrained, itself from eyes has swept. Has typed to air in a breast more and the beginnings.
   "Други mine, tell-tales, what it is created in our country? How we have admitted it? All sort female in мученьях the woman's gets exhausted, and our muzhiks on the verge of a survival have appeared" - the silence in a system was replaced by misunderstanding grumble.
   "Yes-yes, my tell-tales. Our affairs in relations with a female are bad. Judge for yourself" - I have opened the daddy with the report and continued - "10 % efficient in intimate relations of the man's population have left in a non-existence" - in numbers has flown by enviously happy шепоток - "Are not present, not in discharge they have left, and have for ever left our numbers, having hit in drunkenness and a narcotism. Have left you, my falcons, in loneliness, in the face of all unsatiable female population" - again grumble discordant on numbers has gone. Where from indignation, where from satisfaction. I continued: "And that it unsatiable, I on myself know! In this situation there was you only one tell-tale on 1,64 women"
   "Here to you still the information. Directly to attack us any has pulled hard. A XXI-st century plague! An impotence! Yes I understand, nerves, ecology, a wrong food, and the virus what have thrown can also the foreign states to us. The impotence from your system not less than 10 % of efficient bayonets however has carried away! What will order to do to your commander? As the thinned regiments in fight to conduct, and reserves necessary are not present!"
   The system kept silence. Nobody wished to recognise itself(himself) as the impotent man. Suddenly, will put now out of action and with pomegranates will shower, as useless elements!
"Considering this statistics, you muzhiks there was only one to 2,33 women!"
   "And following facts, simply scandalous, it is simple уничижающие man's advantage! In your numbers затесались traitors and traitors! Bitterly about it to speak, but not to speak it is impossible! Soldiers! Homosexuals have strongly located in your environment! This shameful phenomenon for the fighting group conducting so painful and so bloody battles in direct contact with an opposite sex! For today they are totaled by 8 %, but their number constantly grows. Belief in our victory disappear proportionally to reduction of soldiers in a system! And all that also remains you - one tell-tale on 3,5 women!"
   "It seemed. Let's take not number, and уменьем. We will spend рекогонсценировку, doctrines, physical and psychological preparation. Ан, no! Too to me fighters of invisible front. Have grown lazy, stomachs on released, hardly that, at once in bushes, here and front of works do not see. A saying even have thought up, - in an excuse. A pier -" I now at such age when refusal of the woman pleases me more than its consent ". And who it has told? 45 summer muzhik! After all still many and many women with desire look at it. Study at women. Here where fighting spirit, here where bent for to battles with men! And sayings female speak about it: -" forty five, forty five - the woman a berry again! "Is shorter. I write off, as psychologically unstable and weak-willed 5 more % of fighting structure. Also remains you - one bayonet on 5,09 female breasts".
   Here runs up to me beautiful дядька with radio station and шифровочку in a hand of vanities. The fighting report because of a line of female front.
   "Here, have waited! Transfer, ours Don Жуаны, from a front line. The emancipation has begun! There are women from under the man's control. Soon to supervise men will begin. To be engaged in sports steels, on buildings work, cross ties railway instead of you stack. But it is a trouble floor. The present trouble - лесбиянство! And in questions of sex, the woman have learnt without you manages. And that to children to give birth, so for this purpose and there is a medicine. And you it is fast, as breeding bull-calves, sperm will force to hand over in refrigerators. And money will pay for it still. Therefore these refrigerators also are called as Banks!"
   Негодующе возроптал a system. It was scattered for excitement for some time. But commanders, where with shouts where with kicks, have restored somehow an order have run forward. Only small small group of tell-tales, at some distance remained to stand. The colonel has run up to me with the report: "the Companion the general! 5 % of staff refuse to come back in a system! It is said that agree, on sperm Banks to work. For a long time a pier in" self-service "are engaged, and for money and for a long time agree to continue!"
   It has reported and with сожаленьем has looked at me. It is visible on the person we wash all it has been written. I absolutely was upset. How to go in сраженье great, at such parity of forces - one bayonet against десятерых. I so would like, poor and unfortunate women to help, regiments to organise, the present army to direct them to the aid, but there is nothing. It is impossible. The man's system as cockroaches under a bench creeps away.
   I look, the ensign one, to me a ceremonial step goes, already from the end of a system was put forward. I stand, I wait обреченно. I do not see any hope. The ensign approaches and speaks: "the Companion the general!" And suddenly everything retires to the background, a leg to shuffle begins. "I of that, it... In general, I think, anything terrible in our position is not present. Ask any veterinary surgeon in our village - How many chickens for happiness are necessary for a cockerel? - Everyone knows, - ten. Therefore... I Think, we will consult, we will not bring! So by the nature most it is prepared!" I have uttered hope tear, perhaps indeed with such here fighters we not only can satisfy our country, but is fast and neighbouring countries we undertake.
   "Regiments! Listen to my command! Ra-vnja Th! To S-S Th! All efficient in a gun! To adjoin bayonets! Forward! The victory will be for us!" - in the shelf answer have burst triple "Ur!-HURRAH!-HURRAH!". The system in a front direction Also has moved.
   But here the delusion has left me. I have not had time to see a battle ending. Has looked back, again I in the room, only свечерелось a little. Has thought: "Has fallen asleep, probably. The nonsense such will dream?". Yes here has suddenly heard like as a system soldier's as if behind a window, the step mints. Has looked out in a window - anybody. Has thought: "And can, indeed all was? Can in vain we, on muzhiks we snatch, when with mistresses we find? After all they for all of us do the necessary business. Perhaps indeed, to release muzhiks on free выпас, for the sake of our sisters? Perhaps we will shout, all together - Long live Polygamy! All is better, than drunkenness, homosexuality and лесбиянство! The god with it with polygamy of this that with it to be at war. Let's live happily, girls!

 

 

Crimea. Simferopol. July 2003г. V.Janov.

 

14.08.03