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The author: Natalia Antonova

 

VICTORIA - THE FREE ARTIST

 

It never concerned men seriously.
However, having married third time, has decided what to change husbands unreasonably.
For change of scenery at fragile theatre of terrestrial life there are lovers, admirers and other applicants for a leading role.
By a trade Victoria was the Free artist. Though, what such freedom?
Painting was sense of her life. It was some kind of obsession – property of any big talent.
She lived somewhere there highly in the other-wordly world of the soul.
And painting was whether reflexion of this difficult spiritual life, whether its highest concentration.
Looking at the person of Victoria, on its figure something was difficult to tell... Besides, that this woman is self-sufficient and independent.
... Perhaps, that we test the same feeling, when we look at a panther or a tiger...
But painting... Was not able to be silent. It gave it away.
On these lines, colour stains, game of light and a shade it was possible to read, how under the book of its destiny. And Victoria knew it and was not afraid of it.
Her life quite suited it, other form is more true would be simply unacceptable for it.
She and the biography plainly could not tell. Well, it as the river - was born from small родничка and flows in Eternity. Neither to add, nor to lower.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
It has entered into her life casually. And can be, and is not present.
As well as all free artists, Victoria had no money and consequently when there was no inspiration, earned for a life, drawing in park pencil portraits.
It sufficed... Besides did not demand the big expense of energy and time.
... She just read Montaigne's "Experiences", having substituted the person under beams of the gentle September sun when the cheerful sparkling voice, - the girl nearby was distributed, and you in vain do not lose time. It is a pity to interrupt you... But can be, will immortalise me on a canvas?
- On a canvas is not present, and on a Whatman paper, please, - she has told, regretfully closing the book.
And here its sight has faced its sight. It was something surprising.
His eyes were not neither cheerful, nor sparkling. They were … high, as the sky both same blue and bottomless. The sky happens such only in the beginning of autumn, during a maturity time... When it becomes difficult to tear off a sight from its depth and expressiveness.
The young man was young. To it was no more than 27. The Regular features, full sensual lips underlined charm of his eyes even more. It has been perfectly combined and with taste is dressed.
Victoria has caught itself that too long looks at it.
He too was silent and looked. The pause was tightened. And not knowing how to interrupt it, they for some reason have simultaneously burst out laughing.
Victoria nervous movement of a hand has corrected locks of long fair-haired hair and has waved a pencil. While she drew all time, it did not reduce from it eyes.
She felt it through trembling of eyelashes... Through a foliage rustle...
In corners of her lips the easy smile flickered.
It seemed to it, that time has stopped.
... The Rest of day they wandered on park. Inhaled a damp smell of oaks, a violent aroma of flowers and a lung дыханье needles.
Before the decline they stood on bent as if an eyebrow of the beauty to the bridge which, bending over water, revelled in own display and all it together - the bridge and its reflexion were similar to a mirror eye or on an all-seeing eye.
Their hands as swallows, being carried by over периллами, adjoined... Casually... Unexpectedly for an instant or two also scattered every which way.
And then it, hardly having overcome the gushed languor, has unclenched lips and has told, that it is time to it...
- Already?! - it was pulled out at it regretfully.
She has nodded. They have agreed to meet here... In a day.
Their meetings became frequent. Victoria could not be pulled out from under an attraction of his eyes. And hours spent with it were for it a destiny gift, revelation From above.
But September has come to an end. There has come October. And it wanted большего.
The desire has pressed charm. Its speech has lost smoothness, the impatience even more often broke in gestures, the passion lighted a sight, muffled a voice.
Once she has promptly embraced him for shoulders, and then took his head and has quickly inclined to itself.
From taste of its hot spicy kiss it has swayed and has begun to breathe quickly-quickly.
- You live one? – She has asked.
- Yes …
- Let's go to you.
In half an hour they have appeared at ordinary dark entrance, have walked upstairs also it has opened a door a key.
Victoria behaved so as if it all life came to this room such silent with surprising aura of kindness and a constancy.
Victoria did not have a desire to hesitate. She has darted a glance at bed …
Its kind has quite satisfied it. It has spent a hand on its cheek, took his hand in the … but he has not moved.
Victoria with surprise has not noticed any signs of its readiness to lay down with it in bed.
- We and will stand? – She has asked.
- Well, why, we can sit down, - he has told easy.
- Here, as, - only she also has managed to say.
- You it is absolutely correct me have understood … I be going to become your lover.
Victoria has thought, what it is a little more, and it will fall from a chair, - that is?.
- I suggest you to become my wife. A hand and heart, - he has added and has smiled.
- Whether you see, you never asked me … But after all I am already far not the girl … I married.
- I know.
She has not asked, whence he knows. Only has shrugged shoulders.
- And nevertheless, - he has told, - I want, that we have got married. I love you. I hope, as I to you am not indifferent.
- Certainly, it is not indifferent … But I cannot marry you. Forgive, but I do not wish to leave the husband. I accept that is. Besides I am more senior you years on ten... If it is no more.
- But you very strongly like me, she has added quickly, seeing its protesting sight. - I very much want you.
He wished to tell something, but she has put a palm on his lips, - please... It is not necessary words. I love, when men are silent. I like to see them and... To taste. And words I will tell to you... What you will want.
- Be mine, - she began to kiss softly and gently his eyes.
It at first has fallen asleep in her hands, and then became soft.
Not letting out it from the embraces, Victoria began to unbutton all buttons which met on its clothes.
- No, - it has uttered hardly, - and has discharged it, - is not present.
- You strange! – it was pulled out at it with irritation.
Victoria has not got used to a word "is not present" from men.
- Think, what nonsense to refuse to in pleasure. We will perfectly spend time. - she tried to give to a voice tenderness.
- But I do not wish to spend time, - it has interrupted it, - I wish to divide with you destiny. I wish to give you all life without the rest.
- It is, of course, healthy, but … she did not know what to tell. She did not understand its logic and consequently its irritation accrued. Not knowing what to undertake, Victoria was again pulled to it. But it has intercepted her hands and began to kiss long well-cared fingers one behind another, slowly, long as if hoped, that these kisses is got into its heart and will soften it.
It has taken away hands and has looked at it almost with hostility.
Victoria has felt, that its arrangements in what will not result.
She did not know how to achieve the objective. About as she wanted it! All its being was simply broken off from desire. That it only would not make to possess it!
But it sat opposite not criminal, self-assured.
Her angered, that he has somehow solved its psychology – concede it to it now and in a month … two it will cool down to it, will lose interest …
But for the sake of one night to marry it! Simply delirium!
Unexpectedly Victoria has risen, and the slap in the face sound has sounded in this room so improbably, as a bolt from the blue.
It with force has compressed its shoulders and has glanced in the emerald of her eyes fused by fury.
- I have not deserved it, - it has exhaled, releasing it, - you should not so to arrive.
- Yes! – she has cried out, - I should not contact you at all, but I was not come to somehow mind, that by you the madman! What the hell! – it has hardly restrained not to brush away on a floor the fragile crystal vase up to the top filled with smelling sweet foam of phloxes.
Having lifted with a floor the bag, Victoria has gone to a door. It has slowly followed it and when it already was on a threshold, has said suspiciously quiet voice, - if you change the mind, know, that I wait for you.
She has turned back and has burst out laughing to it in the person.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
Home it has returned such hungry and malicious, as the tigress who has missed extraction.
Long washed off in a bathroom disappointment and irritation from a pining body.
Has hastily drunk on kitchen tea and has slipped in bed, has greedy nestled to the falling asleep husband. He was surprised to so unexpected and rough display of its passion, but has not forced itself to ask.
Only at daybreak it has come off it and has there and then fallen asleep a deep short dream as if has jumped in a chasm.
She did not feel, how the husband with tenderness has buried in a stream of its dense stupefying hair. Falling asleep, he whispered something to it in untranslatable language of tenderness and gratitude.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
Victoria has decided, that will dismiss it once and for all.
She did not gather to throw the husband at all... Which has appeared more cleverly its former husbands, giving to itself, the report that passion of such woman as Victoria no more, than quickly thumbed through book, he has managed to become its friend, the reliable friend.
It required it, in its understanding, in its heat.
Who as he has managed to look at the world her eyes, not reproaching, not demanding … accepting it how accept declines and dawn, surf noise, light of stars as accept the Universe, not trying it to alter.
It appreciated its talent and did not encroach on its freedom. It was so great and necessary for it, that no passion, any hobby could separate them.
It was so.
But why, why, it all time hears a voice of that, another, sees before itself its deep dark blue eyes … as the sky, the high sky, breathing harmony and nobleness?! Why it cannot dismiss it?
Because it is less noble? Because its rest only a surface, and there, in depth underwater elements? Well also what? What from this?! It is pleasant to herself such what it is!
Days followed days and it did not have not enough it. Its heart ached. Victoria has learnt for the first time, that such the concealed warm pain. And with bitterness has thought, that it is enamoured...
Fortunately there has come winter. And Victoria, looking at white sparkling snow, thought that time treats it. The wound was tightened. The pain ceased.
And when it has casually found once its phone has torn it any more not feeling neither a former pain, nor former fury … but only a regret in the handbag.
After all they could be happy together … any time. The eternal happiness does not happen.
Even the talent, its talent sometime will be lost together with all civilisation.
Also there will be other civilisation and new talent.
Whether afflicted it it? Probably …
But while its time flew and it created.
One was strange only - at all its knights, slaves, the lords, gods and aliens... There were deep bottomless blue eyes and gentle sensual lips...
As if its fingers have listened to the request heard once - "Will immortalise me on a canvas"...

 

4.03.06